I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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