I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
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