I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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