If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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