New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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