I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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