i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
you had me at cake vodka
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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