i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
