And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
