so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
