well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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