Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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