don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
