Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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