Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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