fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
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It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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