i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
