morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
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