I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
