So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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