Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
