I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
