I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
