so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
home. puking in laundry basket.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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