So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
