she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
