I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
