I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
