Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
