no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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