sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Houston, we have a squirter
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
