my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
