just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
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