dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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