how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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