dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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