I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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