she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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