all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
