I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
