the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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