her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
