I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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