those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
