I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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