He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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