i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
