she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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