I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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