I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
