You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
