Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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