the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
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There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
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He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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