in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
