I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
