Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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