i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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