hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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