If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
