Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
