I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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