my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
