Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
