Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
