i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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