I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i just sent this text using only my big toe
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize