Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
No subtext here. People are naked.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
