I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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