Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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