i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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