Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
