So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
