Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
