i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
