sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
