Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
