Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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