It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
