I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
