He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
